When I think of the meaning of hope, I believe it is one of the strongest words in the English language. It may not carry the same weight as words like lie, love, or betrayal, but in terms of the value it holds when possessed—and maybe even more powerfully, what it means to lose it—hope has a profound impact. It can keep us pushing beyond what we believe is possible and it can also collapse the world around us. It can be the difference between waking up another day, or imploding under years of built up pressure and fatigue. Unless a person has lived through Independent Thinker Phenomenon it’s almost impossible to understand. It distorts reality, makes the unimaginable something to face everyday.
People have told me for years, “Don’t give up hope.” They’ve encouraged me to keep fighting for what’s right. To keep telling my story, and to trust that someday the kids will see the truth. They say that as they grow up and develop minds of their own, they’ll remember the magical moments. They’ll recall what they know to be true because they lived it. In time, they’ll see past the broken lens of lies and manipulation and find their way back to truth.
At this point, I’m not so sure. Hence, the title of this post. I’m not giving up on trying, but I’m struggling with whether or not I’ve lost hope. Part of me knows that if I do, it will break me—so maybe I just don’t admit it to myself. I hope they find their way to their truth for more than healthy relationships between us, but for a healthy relationship with themselves and their own emotional wellbeing.
Above is one of many montages I created for photobooks. The dog is Grace. She never left my side, but she was the girls’ pet so she stayed with them after divorce. My ex gave her away after our divorce, and told my daughter to tell me that Grace had died. Let that sink in. The same holds true for my kids. Life was perfect, we did the things that kids remember for the rest of their lives. At least until they fell victim of independent thinker phenomenon. I actually just leared about this recently. At least . Now they remembe none of the magic and they only know what they’ve been told to believe.
My kids have been robbed of their childhood, robbed of a relationship with both of their parents. The trauma associated will likely be handed down to their kids someday unless something is done to help prevent it from happening as easily as it happens today because of the broken family court systems.
The purpose of this site has changed over the years. Initially it was to provide a mechanism for recognizing parental alienation and expose the evidence and proof of tragic manipulation. The original intent was to give my kids a place to go where they could see the other side of something that will impact their entire lives. How one of the souls that brought them into this world has tried will all their will to be part of their lives.
Being a father is the only role I’ve ever felt genuinely good at. Ironically, I seldom see my kids today. There was a time when they eagerly anticipated our next adventure. They stayed by my side, just as I preferred. I miss being present; now, I’m never truly present. I rush from task to task, but there was a time when time stood still. That was whenever I did something with my kids. It didn’t matter what—cooking, gardening, biking, “fossil hunting,” or singing “Goodnight Moon” before bed. Time stood still. Truthfully, time kind of stopped for me the last time I saw my youngest. She was 17 then, and I had planned three consecutive weekends together when COVID hit.
This site has a differnt purpose now and I’m glad it’s taken as long as it has to come together. The impact of being forced out of my kids’ lives has had a profound impact on every facit of my life. When I recently went through the 35 pounds of court documents, it literally made me sick. I could prove that my ex lied to therapist, police, judges and attorneys, and still won. I had all the hard proof, but she still won in court. Divorce should never separate a child from a parent unless that parent is dangerous. There is no excuse for child abuse of ANY kind. One purpose of this site is to help identify that pathological alignment that results in an parent manipulating their children away from an emotionally healthy parent, is child abuse.
This site includes factual data, and also personal experiences that hopefully help others understand the sickness and devistation that happens when a child is manipulated away from a loving and emotionally available parent. Recognizing parental alienation and addressing it at the source can prevent the devastating effects on children and alienated parents alike.
Resources to help explain pathological alignment, and parental alienation.
Parental rejection is a significant yet often overlooked trauma.Preventing parental rejections requires awareness from both the clinical community and family courts. Discussions often focus on the trauma children experience when rejected by a parent. However, it’s equally important to acknowledge the trauma parents face when rejected by their children.
We might assume that children wouldn’t naturally reject their parents without valid reasons.Therefore, as a society, we must explore why and how this rejection happens.By understanding these dynamics, we can work to prevent such occurrences in future generations.thewaveclinic.com+2psychcentral.com+2charliehealth.com+2
Understanding the Complexity of Parent-Child Relationships
Parent-child relationships are complex and influenced by various factors.These include the child’s temperament, the parent’s behavior, and external influences like societal norms and cultural expectations.While nurturing, caring, and emotionally available parents are less likely to be rejected, there are instances where rejection occurs despite these positive qualities.
Exploring the Reasons for Parental Rejection
When a child rejects a parent, approaching the situation with empathy and curiosity is crucial.Several factors can lead to such rejection:
Abuse or Neglect:If a parent has been abusive or neglectful, the child may feel unsafe or unsupported, leading to rejection.This perspective does not dismiss situations where a child genuinely needs protection from a dangerous parent.However, when one parent unjustifiably manipulates a child to reject the other parent, it is equally harmful. In a growing number of some states, it is legally considered child abuse.
Conflict or Discord:High levels of conflict between parent and child can strain their relationship, causing the child to distance themselves.Alienating parents may exploit this tactic, manipulating children by creating turmoil and blaming the other parent.
Divorce or Separation:Parental separation can create emotional turmoil for the child, impacting their relationship with one or both parents.The emotional toll of divorce makes children prime targets for manipulation.
Mental Health Issues:A parent’s mental health struggles can affect their ability to provide consistent care, leading to the child’s rejection.
Parental Alienation:Sometimes, a child is influenced by one parent or caregiver to reject the other parent, leading to a strained relationship.
Understanding these factors is essential in addressing and mitigating the challenges of parental rejection.
Preventing Parental Rejection
As a society, it is crucial that we take steps to prevent parental rejection and its long-lasting effects.Here are some strategies that can help:
Education and Awareness:By increasing awareness about the impact of parental rejection, we can foster empathy and understanding within our communities.
Support Services:Providing accessible support services for families, such as counseling or therapy. This can help address underlying issues and strengthen parent-child relationships.
Parenting Programs:Offering parenting programs that focus on nurturing and positive discipline can equip parents with the skills they need to build strong and healthy relationships with their children.
Co-Parenting Support:Supporting parents in navigating co-parenting relationships after divorce or separation can help minimize conflict and promote healthy parent-child bonds.
Industry Professionals:
Parental Alienation Study Group (PASG):An international nonprofit organization comprising mental health and legal professionals, as well as child and family advocates, dedicated to the study and understanding of parental alienation.
Parental Alienation Awareness:Focused on educating and raising awareness about parental alienation, this site offers resources to help parents recognize and address the issue.
Dr. J. Michael Bone’s Parental Alienation Consultation:Provides insights and tools for parents dealing with parental alienation, including strategies for prevention and intervention.
National Parents Organization:Discusses the dynamics of parental alienation and offers resources for parents seeking to understand and combat this issue.
Beyond Parental Alienation:Offers resources and services aimed at addressing and mitigating the effects of parental alienation on families. theaustralian.com.au
The trauma experienced by a parent rejected by their child is significant and often overlooked.Understanding the reasons behind parental rejection and implementing preventive measures fosters healthier parent-child relationships.Collectively, we must ensure that neither child nor parent suffers the pain of rejection and estrangement.
According to recent data, approximately 23% of children in the United States reside exclusively with their mothers. 3% solely with their fathers, and nearly 4% without either parent.
Parental alienation, characterized by a child’s unwarranted estrangement from one parent due to the psychological manipulation by the other. This poses significant risks to a child’s mental and emotional well-being.Children inherently seek and benefit from healthy relationships with both parents. Any interference leading to unjustified rejection of a parent is detrimental.
It is imperative that the child welfare system prioritizes the prevention of such pathological alignments.Ensuring that children maintain balanced and nurturing relationships with both parents should be a central objective.Failure to prevent parental alienation results in children being deprived of essential support of a healthy and emotionally available parent. This family dynamic thereby threatens a child’s overall development and well-being.
